Posted by: Bruce | March 16, 2013

To spend a penny – this is life.

I didn’t sleep well on a Tuesday night a few weeks ago, or the couple before that come to think of it, but I knew that my Mums’ bathroom taps needed some attention to make them easier for her to turn. Frazzled or not I had about an hour and a quarter run to her place and after an ordinary morning was almost looking forward to a solo, air-conditioned drive with golden oldies from radio 2NURFM. The humidity had been a killer lately and I don’t often achieve quality radio time. This combo of cool and music, I figured, would soothe my tired, irritable state. Almost seemed a plan. I selected the big D, looked straight ahead past heavy eyelids and pointing through the windscreen said quietly, ‘Make it so’.

And so it was that after driving for around 1/2 hr I began to regret that second cup of coffee. Not that it was urgent, it just became a presence, something hinting at a decision. This annoyed me a little (easy on this day) but as my fuzzy mind calculated another 3/4 hr of driving, perhaps getting stuck in traffic, stopping at the shops near my Mums to get some milk (I’ve been doing that forever I think) and other stuff like flat tyres, a breakdown, helping someone to cross a road or saving an injured Koala somewhere, a decision and solution materialised and I pulled into Sandgate Cemetery which I pass each time I travel this way.

From a previous visit I remembered a public ‘gents’ and figured I’d be okay even if I’m not a genuine customer this day.

On entering it was clear I had to drive around the ‘block’ and motored slowly. I was not in a hurry. Around halfway down one side of this block I looked right and located my intended target, mentally (and modestly) patting myself on the back for being a Clever Trevor. At this very time I also noticed that a kind of laneway, bisecting this block, presented an opportunity to arrive with even less fuss. This just kept getting better; I almost smiled.

The grassed laneway looked fine, I didn’t want to break rules or cause a fuss after all. Slowly idling along I thought I may be in a little trouble as the way narrowed and a few tree branches threatened to become a problem. But it was fine. A little touch of a leaf or two on the roof and almost home. There was no need to draw on my skills and good looks just yet.

All good things must come to an end though. In the words of Mike Nelson of Sea Hunt (played by Lloyd Bridges), “then I saw it”. At the end of this laneway, a barrier, a thinnish pole stretching horizontally from one side of tombstones to the other. My almost a smile turned into a sneer with a ‘that’d be right you mongrel’. How did I not see this? I checked didn’t I? It became apparent that an annoying reverse effort was to happen despite all the questions I had for myself. Before setting off I scanned carefully for a groundskeeper who might be hiding and snickering nearby while chalking up another victim.

The same trees were waiting and, I decided, provided spaces between to carefully turn the car round. This caused a bit more of a rustle on the roof and I realised I had picked up a bit of timber for my efforts. No worries, I’ll get it when I arrive at the gents. I muttered a Basil Fawlty or two ‘sorry, sorry’ type of sorries while to-ing and fro-ing in the trees and out of the lane just in case I drove on someone. Bit of a film day today I thought; makes a change from song titles that fit conversations. I’ve had a lot of involuntary song title trivia rattling around in my head lately which is unusual because I’m terrible when it comes to names in music.

Once aimed in the right direction I was at my destination in around 40 seconds. I didn’t notice anyone laughing and pointing as I drove past. Just as well, I would have calmly nudged them into a hole in the ground. As I got out of the car a thin branch brushed my head. Mighty thin and shiny for a branch I thought. Of course, that’s because it’s the car aerial hanging by a sliver of its original self. I still wasn’t in a hurry for the gents. I went anyway because that was why I was there with a broken car aerial. The mozzies inside were vicious.

Sometimes, with a worldly nod to myself, I agreed it’s the little things in life that matter. Traffic slowing my cemetery exit though, knew nothing of my little things as I continued to make it so.

Word(s) for today;    Videos. First one for Sea Hunt. Fast forward to 9 mins 12 secs ‘and then I saw it’. I use this saying often. The theme music for the show; like finger nails down a blackboard.

and second for Fawlty Towers. John Cleese as Basil Fawlty doing his stuff;  ‘sorry, sorry, sorry’.

(To spend a penny – a saying which means going to a public toilet and sometimes having to pay)

More to come;   same blog time, same blog channel.


  1. LIfe is full of unexpected adventures, isn’t it?

    And mozzies? Mosquitoes, I assume. A public bathroom is one of the worst places to encounter them.


    • Sorry about that Charles. Mosquitoes it is and yes, dealing with them in a public toilet can be an adventure on its own. I’m not sure why but I think the conditions must be good for breeding but a lack of victims means an all out attack!? Thanks for commenting.


  2. Mm, two adverts both focussing on toilet humour. Are you going somewhere with this?


    • Not intentionally. You have me thinking now.


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